Mostly Dead

Posted on May 8, 2012

“Life is pain, princess…anyone who tells you differently is selling something…”

I think someone pulled my plug. I feel drained. Used up. Ka-put. As though someone has sucked the life from me like Prince Humperdink did to Wesley in “The Princess Bride”…

I don’t want to feel this way; I hate feeling down. But I’m at the point of wallowing now and that is pathetic. I’m finding it hard to concentrate on one thing for any length of time and even finding it difficult to smile. It’s like it takes too much energy to do these things and it is energy that I cannot spare.

I’m walking around in a sort of blue funk without really paying any attention to what is going on around me; and have been like this since last week sometime…maybe the weekend, but somehow I remember being happy on Sunday; or parts of Sunday at any rate.

I don’t get like this often anymore; I used to go through this everyday. Every single day then was an effort a

t not crying or not just staying in bed and feeling rotten. Now it comes on, unexpectedly, rather forcefully and lasts a few days each time. It’s depression and it’s scary.

I lay in bed late last night or early this morning, pondering the reasons for it’s arrival this time. I couldn’t come up with one solid, worthwhile reason why I could be feeling this way (although, quite possibly, it’s this).

I’m healthier than I’ve been in a long time, I have good friends whom I care for and care for me, I’m enjoying spending time with Leith, and I certainly don’t have excessive amounts of stress in my life right now. I do have a few major deadlines in the next month to deal with and June is quickly approaching and with it comes Leith’s birthday, possibly moving, looking for schools for him for grade one, the return of my absent husband and more. These things are not what I’m bad about; they’re not factors in my funk.

So what is it? I’m thinking that I need some time to myself. I am beginning to feel as though this funk has become the focus of my life; it is defining me and that’s not a good thing. Perhaps I have given it more attention and more dedication than it deserves; more than I should have. Maybe I just need a good batch of coffee and chocolate scented cookies to indulge in with a great big cup of coffee to take the edge off.

How do you deal with the Spring blahs?

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